Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

Life has been very hard recently... many incredibly painful life situations: a suicide of a very young man - planning to be married to a dear friends' daughter releasing go of my son and learning how to be a military mom my young daughter has been sick with heart issues for 3 months and continuing rejection that regularly comes with living boldly the death of my husband's dad - the agony of seeing him shriveled up  a criminal who robbed my husband's family home and took everything and family members who lashed out at my husband regarding funeral matters. My heart is heavy... I cry inside without a sound.  Why do I feel so deeply? I can't go backwards... I can't stuff or put my emotions on a shelf to deal with later... I can't compartmentalize like so many can. I simply feel deeply. What I see, people's words, actions and even non-actions... they scream loud and clear to my soul.  Overloaded. Saturated.  I was at a loss ...

I want to help others but I can't help myself. I love and know God and trust Him too, but that doesn't stop my brain from being a jumbled mess.  Jumbled thoughts can be pretty! Scattered thoughts keep bombarding me.  I feel like a rattle-head.  I think I wrote once about this before, being a rattle-head . And it was the least-read post...Even I couldn't relate to it much after the episode passed. I have cried out to God for help this morning and for the past two days. I have gone to others for prayer and carefully, with exercising great inner control tried to explain to my family of three teens and my dear husband (I almost didn't want to say dear, oh, how hard it can be on a marriage--to twirl out of control and to not know why or how to make the top stop spinning). I don't know what pushed the top into its first spin.  And that is part of the problem I can't think clearly. I can't remember even simple things.  It is like the f...