Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

Running water bubbles over plastic rocks. I close my eyes to drift elsewhere. Crows caw, woodpeckers peck, Insects rattle a hiss. Bee buzzes, close chasing another--gone. Late summer breeze brushes my face. Cares ease, but do not cease--timeworn. Berry Bush Bird by Endmon at DeviantArt Tapping keys, so effortlessly, Letting thoughts roll, Flowing where they want to go. Noisy little hidden insects Make themselves known, Rhythmic shaking in harmony. Soft, then loud, they say, "I am here, one more day." Focusing back to the running water, My lungs inhale deep-- a cleansing breathe, A moment alone but not at all quiet, No human voice, still sounds grow. What a filling for my ear. This summer day there is no pause. Yet my soul reflects -- no fears. Faith makes one bold with cause. Drawing in another deep breathe, Six legged bug, wings up hobbles Full of effort cross the table, Then stops to regain strength. Do I hobble two arms, two legged, No...

She listens to them Handle the plans. Never asked her thoughts, She gives nothing. Needs are expressed; She is overlooked. What possibly could she do To help others? "Pick me," she longs, Wanting to offer. But dares not-- Too many rejections linger. To God she prays, He could suggest, If He wants. He would speak her name. In sadness she sits, longing to partake. Though she's never noticed, By those who cast the roles. She waits trusting, Her time will come. She will be allowed To be all that she can be. At least, that is the story So often told. To those who wait, His timing is perfect. To Him she clings. Hoping one day soon, Her time will join His And she will be set free. To LIVE, her life, to give-- for Him.

Sometimes what stirs in the mind and soul spills out in a way that feels more like broken pieces found after a storm rips through a town. I am learning that allowing the free associations to come lightens the load I carry that can't find its place to compartmentalize. Humans need means to let go. Writing Poetry is my way. It isn't a picture of my current state of mind, but simply a dance of words, and expression of madness that is healthy, not harmful. Words released in wild display somehow is freeing and brings happiness. Sometimes I think we need to stop trying to explain. Hope is always found in knowing God and being in His presence. I listened to the thoughts in my head And noticed I was drifting. Seated behind the wheel of a car My soul watched me moving away. Is it because I am tired? Or am I coming unglued? I don't know, can't tell. Just familiar - what I used to do. Dissociation comes. Even when it isn't called. It shows up on it own. ...

Opposites are the Same Do you see my smile? A tear roll down my face. Two emotions collide to be one. Seasons change but stay the same. If I crawl, will you stand If I try, will you hold my hand? Stay by me, See me through this fall I don't like the RED, wipe it away The hot makes me cold in the soul. Do you see me cry? A curve shapes on my lips. Opposites are one of the same, Both are needed or nothings gained. If I stumble, will you lift If I stop, will you wait for me? Stay by me, See me die to live I don't like the RED, it cuts so deep Gushing inside they say she never bleeds.

Plink, plink the pill goes down again. Routine, patterns never broken. Chemist keepers served their purpose, Sentenced -when can I be woken? Happy chatter, silly - returns the child. Un-numbed, sedate constrained her nature. She lives within, waiting to come out, But, what form or person is the wager. Architecture holds her steel frame. Contorted by pain - intensely trained, By enterology she survives, Another day, steps ingrained. Hear me hurting - silence by design. So much easier to handle a mime. Perform charade, pleasing the crowd. Squeezing her life, repeating the crime. Back-bending to conform to others, Dishonors her spirit and soul, Year after year, held firmly restraint, Don't the chemicals take their tole? Who is at the helm, master in control, Sovereignty knows her schematics. Can she ever from elements by free? Post-traumatic Hippocratics.

Is it insanity? How can you know? If you are insane, you will never know... so if you don't think you are insane you might be. If you do think you are insane, you might be.Or not. Doesn't it take a little bit of "insanity" to see beyond? Well, if you prefer, mental capability to see and know what is abstract. To believe in, sensing, something more than, to understand better than, to feel with an aware that others often miss. Is it you or is it them? Who gets to say? Who is really living in the real world? And who gets to pick? Who sets the rules, standards, conditions, proofs, absolutes? Can you bend your mind? Can you see beyond, can you feel more, can you know what others never even see? What is real? Is it what is tangible, what is accepted by the majority or the brightest, smartest minds? And who is to determine who and what is really bright or smart? If you rattle back facts are you smart? Or does that mean you can record and replay very well? Bu...

My head is spinning. I feel like a ball, bouncing around, bumping into wall of my thoughts, closing in on me. I do not feel I am who I really am. I feel closed up inside. Maybe another is stepping forward. Maybe more than another. Sometimes my mind seems to blow a circuit. Emotional Malfunction. I pause and suck in my upper lip... not sure why... maybe it is to still my thoughts, to order the flow going from my rattled brain into the electro-impulses in my finger tips. I am scared. I am seeing patterns, signs, behaviors... that frighten me. Something is spilling over into my core, taking over. Is it all in my mind? Can a person separate their soul into compartments maintaining control over each.... A soul/heart of a person is the mind, will and emotions.... Can I emote apart from my mind and will? Can I will without my mind and emotions? Can I think separately from my will and emotions? Do they work together as one? And if a soul is splintered, what part ...