|on the edge of time.... push me in or drag me along|
I guess some things spoil if I don't use them fast enough, like bread that gets all moldy if I forget to use it all up or cream that gets spoiled with clumps of curds....
Does time spoil, mold or clump up with stinky curds? Sometimes it feels like it does.
But then other things in life like tissues in a box.... they don't discinerate into vapors into the air, but I don't grab them out quick enough. No they wait on me, they wait until if have a tear, or a sneeze, or some other need. This type of things don't make me so edgy and nervous... as time.
I have wasted so many days, so much time, and no one can go backwards in time.... the Bible says God can redeem the years that the locus have stolen. What about the days, laxi-daisy, laziness, immobile-ness, sleepiness, careless, wantless, motivationless hours I let slip away..... Am I accountable for time lost?
How did you spend you days? You know they were numbered? You were only alotted so many. Did you use them wisely? Did you get the most out of every minute? Did you live your uptmost for God's highest? Is it even possible????
Then I think of people who have ripped me, for dwaddling, coasting, meddling, expending leisure time to attend to mental health.... many people feel they are not alotted such whimsical time in life... they must WORK for a living.... what is a living anyway..... a house, a car, electricity, food .... is that really life? Is it worth all the time we invest into getting it?
In the end, who is really wasting their time? Someone who dwaddles in thought, pondering meaning, purpose, the whys.... or one who is diligent, getting the most accomplished, achieving the most tasks done.
I am not sure.... is there a right or wrong answer? Does anyone really care?
I have been up for 3 hours... have I used my time wisely? Who gets to judge? Will God make me account for every second of the day or just large sums of time like hours, days or weeks.... even years? What did you do in year 2001... did you make good use of that time.???? I can't imagine God talking with me like that... that sounds more like the enemy bringing condemnation.... Satan shut up and leave me alone. Isn't there another gnat you can pester for your thrill? I know there are a lot of bigger spiritual fish in the sea of life.... go stir their waters or bobble thoughts in their head.... I think you work overtime on me.... find a new corpse.... mine is still beating with a heart for Him... however feeble it may be....
God uses the weak, well I am one fine candidate for that job! Wanted: one human that is a loser according to the world and even themselves at time is just fine, someone always fumbling around in the story of life, making mistakes, saying wrong things, doing stuff "good" people would know better than to do, one with raw emotions that can get unstable and easily pushed over the edge, a person who wants to be something, anything, useful but often finds out they are less than they had hoped, and more trouble then most will endure. If you occasionally or even often feel like worthless trash, apply for this job! I want you. I have some work for you to do, and I will work on all your bad stuff while you do little things for me. It is a win/win deal for you.
I guess this is why I am a child of God. He finds value in the empty, weak, and broken of the world. He doesn't hold time over my head, chastising me for wasting it, but always trying to help me move forward once again to redeem it. I can't do it this time... it is not in me, Good thing I am His!