Friday, September 21, 2012

Hurt and Angered - I take Psychiatric Medication

I am hurt.

I am angered.

I take Psychiatric Medication.

I don't take it because I WANT to take it.

I take it because it is the one thing in the world that I have found to stabilize my body and mental functions.

People whose body functions normally can shrug off or reject this medication as simply 'all in the mind' and not really necessary. (Sure you can because it doesn't effect you personally. You know not what you speak about.)

But people like me - who have tried everything - who have suffered greatly - more deeply than most will  ever be able to understand or even empathize with.

People who function completely by their mental and physical strength - often known as willpower-  look at others who can't as weak or less of a persons.

But NO, it is quite the opposite!

Someone who is willing to face their own weaknesses and able to go completely against the stigma and strong current of accepted social and religious philosophy,
and to squarely make a choice to take medication because it is what helps them - it makes them function better so that they can love and be part of others lives,
instead of being a dysfunctional person, an erratic emotionally individual,
that is  prone to hurt themselves and others -

THIS TAKES GREAT INNER FORTITUDE and faith IN GOD that He is still on the throne even if HE has not chosen to heal them of their bodily need.

I have begged God - prayed - believed and still continued on in my faith in Him - STILL He has not determined it is within His perfect will for my life here on earth to be healed of this condition effecting my brain pathways, chemicals, and bodily/mental responses... He in His love and wisdom has chosen to allow me and others like me to have to walk through illness - And thus -like Habakuk - I see it all and live it all and STILL I choose to say, "

Though my body may not be healed, though I may suffer from pain, panic and bizarre  emotional, mental and psychological effects, 
Though I might say and do things in public and private that I am deeply grieved about and regret,
Though I might not be stable to others and therefore shunned or rejected because I am deemed troubled, psychotic, unstable, 'not right',
Though I must take psychiatric medication to find a level of normality that I can be of use to God and to love my family and those who choose to be my friend, 
Though I don't ever get to be part of normal groups - like church, clubs and community organizations - because I respond differently and appear childish, sinful or a problem, 
"Yet, I will EXULT the LORD,I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.The Lord God is my strength,and He has made my feet like hinds' feet,And makes me walk on high places." ( Habakkuk 3: 18-19)

And this day,
I proclaim to myself and my God,

that I accept my situation, my life and my condition;
and I will serve Him in every way to the best of my ability regardless of taking medication or my body/mind limitations.
Also I will not allow critical voices and naysayers to put me down, to make me think less of myself than God thinks of me,
Nor will I let them clip my wings--to keep me from soaring instead of being the breathe beneath my wings!
I will still love those who hurt me but I will not give them the ability to direct my life.
I choose this day to live surrendered to God alone and to do what HE asks me to do regardless of my weaknesses and imperfections.
And His approval is all I need.



  1. Taking medicine is not against what God would want for us. God gave us doctors and medicine just as he gave us other gifts. Sometimes our healing or part of that healing is from medicine for a while or for life-there is no shame in this. In fact in my opinion it is a brave and strong, courageous soul who can face their situation and admit they need help and this includes medicine. When we have been severely wounded the road to recovery can be so painful we need help to walk that road and this help can be in many forms. I do not know why the road to recovery is so long for so many and we know God can heal but I think damage from trauma takes more than an instant healing. Many times God is at work but we cannot see him in the midst of the pain and turmoil so it seems he is not at work in our recovery. People will always give their opinion about us and do so from a place of no understanding which is hurtful and knocks you down. Those who know though understand and say to you hang in there, keep going, your okay and yes if medicine helps that's okay if you choose to take it. As for God you hold on to your faith because many people misrepresent God and his ways are loving ways. Saying a prayer for you.

  2. Thank you so much for your words. I feel like I was reading something that was 'in my own words'. It is an amazing feeling, it gives me a little energy feeling in the center, by my heart, to know that another person in the world has walked in your shoes and TOTALLY understands you. I know God does - but it is so amazing to read your words. Thank you so much for sharing with me. Sincerely


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