Spinning Here and There

My head is spinning.

I feel like a ball, bouncing around, bumping into wall of my thoughts, closing in on me.

I do not feel I am who I really am.

I feel closed up inside. Maybe another is stepping forward. Maybe more than another.

Sometimes my mind seems to blow a circuit. Emotional Malfunction.

I pause and suck in my upper lip... not sure why... maybe it is to still my thoughts, to order the flow going from my rattled brain into the electro-impulses in my finger tips.

I am scared.

I am seeing patterns, signs, behaviors... that frighten me.

Something is spilling over into my core, taking over. Is it all in my mind?

Can a person separate their soul into compartments maintaining control over each....

A soul/heart of a person is the mind, will and emotions....

Can I emote apart from my mind and will?

Can I will without my mind and emotions?

Can I think separately from my will and emotions?

Do they work together as one?

And if a soul is splintered, what part goes with each? Are their multiple sets of three? Or are their multiple will, multiple minds, multiple emotions?

And the spirit of a person... it is not the soul... it is the spirit... the breath of life... is it permanently attached to the soul? or splintered souls?

It is obvious that the body is separate.... it is a temporary abode for a soul and spirit.... but does the body function regardless of a soul/spirit.... is it possible? A body can function with a dead spirit. When we sin the spirit dies, we are born dead spiritual into sin... but what about the body... is the brain, the computer of the body... is the mind able to function apart from it.... is the brain able to function apart from have a soul attached?

Of course, these questions are not easy or able to possibly even know the answer .... because we are not all knowing about ourself, others, God and life itself.

God, teach me what I need to know... help me gain order, stability, ability to be Spirit-led, not soul led. This is truly what surrender must be... stilling the soul to walk by the spirit. I want to practice it, even if for a few moments at a time... if it is truly possible in my human state.

Are you too confused? or did I confuse you?

Comments

Weak and Selfish - I am That Girl

The preacher says we are all the body of Christ...that each member is necessary, a part that functions in unison with all others, but God, in this life--in our time spent on earth--in present day local churches, this is not really true. It sounds good, repeated over and over, because the Bible says so and therefore we all should. But churches seek the best, the ones that fit their mold, the ones who meet their mission, the one that helps their goal. They keep track of numbers, saving all the souls, running them through baptism, collecting them in the fold. But those of us with broken parts, not shiny like the rest, we hear what no one else hears, we feel words with our soul, we sense when something isn't right, therefore we get left out in the cold. Who wants to work with such a pain, she is trouble where she goes, she stirs the pot and sifts for truth, she sees the thorns and not the rose. Why can't she just be silent, "if you don't like...

I Want To Be Normal

I want to help others but I can't help myself. I love and know God and trust Him too, but that doesn't stop my brain from being a jumbled mess. Jumbled thoughts can be pretty! Scattered thoughts keep bombarding me. I feel like a rattle-head. I think I wrote once about this before, being a rattle-head . And it was the least-read post...Even I couldn't relate to it much after the episode passed. I have cried out to God for help this morning and for the past two days. I have gone to others for prayer and carefully, with exercising great inner control tried to explain to my family of three teens and my dear husband (I almost didn't want to say dear, oh, how hard it can be on a marriage--to twirl out of control and to not know why or how to make the top stop spinning). I don't know what pushed the top into its first spin. And that is part of the problem I can't think clearly. I can't remember even simple things. It is like the f...

I Am In Pain - People Hurt Me - Looking Forward to Death

Leave me alone, I am in pain. I don't need to be around people, I am in pain. People hurt me, I am in pain. I do not get hurt by books, by food, by clouds and rainbows. Or cats, and clothes, or trees that blow in the wind.... No, just by those I think are friends. People hurt me; they don't understand me. My arms feel so heavy underneath, I know this is the first sign of overload. My heart has a hole, pierced one to many times in life. My eyes are filled with drops of sorrow, sadness and regret. My mouth is tight, clenched, frozen, no words want to go. Why am I different? Why do I have to hurt so much, all the time, so easily, by so many.... So many days, so many people, so many ways. When does my cup of torment forever filled up to be more than "enough"? Is it because I so love You, God, that I am such a target of your enemy? "But you have not endured blood sweat tears," the wise one jeers. "God will never give you more ...

Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

Search This Blog