Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Spinning Here and There

My head is spinning.

I feel like a ball, bouncing around, bumping into wall of my thoughts, closing in on me.

I do not feel I am who I really am.

I feel closed up inside. Maybe another is stepping forward. Maybe more than another.

Sometimes my mind seems to blow a circuit. Emotional Malfunction.
I pause and suck in my upper lip... not sure why... maybe it is to still my thoughts, to order the flow going from my rattled brain into the electro-impulses in my finger tips.

I am scared.

I am seeing patterns, signs, behaviors... that frighten me.

Something is spilling over into my core, taking over. Is it all in my mind?

Can a person separate their soul into compartments maintaining control over each....

A soul/heart of a person is the mind, will and emotions....

Can I emote apart from my mind and will?

Can I will without my mind and emotions?

Can I think separately from my will and emotions?

Do they work together as one?

And if a soul is splintered, what part goes with each? Are their multiple sets of three? Or are their multiple will, multiple minds, multiple emotions?

And the spirit of a person... it is not the soul... it is the spirit... the breath of life... is it permanently attached to the soul? or splintered souls?

It is obvious that the body is separate.... it is a temporary abode for a soul and spirit.... but does the body function regardless of a soul/spirit.... is it possible? A body can function with a dead spirit. When we sin the spirit dies, we are born dead spiritual into sin... but what about the body... is the brain, the computer of the body... is the mind able to function apart from it.... is the brain able to function apart from have a soul attached?

Of course, these questions are not easy or able to possibly even know the answer .... because we are not all knowing about ourself, others, God and life itself.

God, teach me what I need to know... help me gain order, stability, ability to be Spirit-led, not soul led. This is truly what surrender must be... stilling the soul to walk by the spirit. I want to practice it, even if for a few moments at a time... if it is truly possible in my human state.

Are you too confused? or did I confuse you?

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