Monday, March 28, 2011

Am I A Freak?

Do you ever wonder if you are a freak? I said, "wonder" not "worry."

Why would I worry if I was a freak? Worrying can not do anything about it.... but wonder... that is another thing all together.

What is a freak anyway? Odd, not natural, not normal, strange, more than strange, unstable, unsocial, weird.... different!

Yep.... freak.... like a creep.

I wish I was "good" that is not in value or worth but in reliable, always ready, able and there.

I wonder if it will come back and slam it in my face for being so vulnerable.... for showing the side of myself that so many people try to hide or pretend that it doesn't exist.....

or, is it really just me? Are other people normal all the time? Do they crack? Do they break down? Do they mess up, blow it, tumble?

Some people are solid, dependable, strong, tough, made of steel.... at least it is what we see... do they ever cry themselves to sleep at night? or bang their head on a wall? Do they look at old pictures with sorry or regret? Or is everything A-OK, peachy-keen, picture-perfect?

Do most people freak... but just freak in private?

I do not know, but you know what.... I think we all do to varying degrees. We all have our frailties, our breakpoints, soft spots, triggers, boiling points, weaknesses... it is part of being human, being less than perfect, being a sinner....

But what bothers me is when others place borders of shame around people, making them untouchable.... undesirable... un-needed.... unloved.

We all have the ability to soar, even if for a moment oat a time... but if people clip our wings as soon as we crash a few "too many times" can we ever break out of that limited prison of existence?


No one can ever clip your wings inside or permanently mark your soul... in the inner place, on the plane of existence that is truer than physical life... we can always be all God created us to be. No one has permission or power to touch us in the inner place.  Sure, we can get hurt, be wounded, but no damage from without is ever permanent to our soul and spirit within.

Am I a freak? Maybe to others, but to God and me, I am beautiful, lively, creative - just what I need to be today. And you know what, that is enough... not too little or too much but perfectly at peace and contentment.

Maybe that makes me a freak? So few people have ever known or experienced perfect peace and contentment radiating from within out.

I take a deep breath and smile within and without.... for an audience of One!

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