Friday, August 26, 2011

I Don't Fit

Have you ever felt like you don't fit?

Nobody likes me.

Why was I not included?

How long did it take you to figure out that you are different?

The calls never came. You didn't get invited. They went without you. You just happen upon a notice.... and you didn't even know .... you offered to help, but no one called you back.... you wanted to minister, but you are asked to give a testimony, but your offer was declined...

Not now. No time. We will call. I'll get in touch. Thanks, bye... (silence.... permanent silence)
What is wrong with me? I am a reject. People act all loving... they pretend to like me... they say I am nice, but really, I know I am not their friend. When they get together with friends ... to go do something fun... to share a special occasion... to visit, to enjoy, to talk, to hang, to know...... I am not invited.

Sound like a whiner.... who cares? But the problem is.... am I different.... no that is not it?  Is there something wrong with me?

What is wrong with me? Why do people not like me? Why do people avoid me?

Am I a problem? Am I mean?

Sometime .... I think people wonder.... about me...

Am I emotionally sound? Am I dangerous? Am I weird?

I say, I speak, I feel, I think, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

Am I self-absorbed? Do I have vision of grandeur? Am I all talk and no do?Am I am misunderstood or clearly understood?

Am I a freak? But don't we have to be true to ourselves?

I think I make people uncomfortable. Do you know why?

Could it be that I say what I think? I mean what I say? I am honest, better or worse. With me, you know where you stand, you know what I think.

Could it be that I hurt people? Am I mean?

Maybe I am not in reality...clueless, freaky, wrong, disturbing, too much work, undependable, awkward, unstable, a problem, a loser, a complainer, negative, downer, trouble, confused, blunt, socially inept....


I will never know what anyone thinks about me, and with that I have to be at peace. To be at peace with myself, I have to know what God thinks of me.

God loves me, He accepts me, He knows me... that is how I survive.. this is how I move on, grow. Continue to learn and allow God to help me be everything He created me to be.

I may be broken, messed up, the list goes on...


(and I take a deep breath!)

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