Wednesday, March 20, 2013

My Heart Hurts - Really

Sometimes we say, "my heart hurts," and we mean that we are in emotional pain. Of course that pain is very real, but I have had medication adjustments in the past few weeks and my physical heart is pounding differently. I feel it race some times; other times it just beats harder. I am not worried; I am confident my body will start working properly soon. (a few weeks - I hope not longer).

Still it is uncomfortable, and I try to steady myself - to go a little slow, to not do things that might agitate me emotionally.

It is hard to watch yourself so much, to be careful, to keep a buffer around you so that you don't get poked or tipped by others.

It takes work, mental-emotional, and that can eventually be physically tiring.

I simply want an easy life, simple days, happy times.

Does anyone get that? Or is that a fantasy?

I still believe that someone must, but those people probably don't care about others. They isolate themselves. They don't listen to the news. They don't want to know when people have needs. It is selfish. Sometimes we need to be selfish - for a time - but it is not a good place to live permanently. That would be decaying, toxic, a cesspool of water that has no flow.... repugnant, stagnant, dead.

So, I will keep open to Jesus, I will listen and let Him order my day. How long can I stay connected to Him? How long can I remain un-distracted by life?

I only know to take one moment, relax, breath and soak His presence ... I can not plan the next.

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