Shrinking In

Feeling smaller, drawing in, do not touch me, wishing I was gone away.

Why do we have to keep living? Causing hurt, slashing others, it wont stop if I still breathe.

Wanting joy, but feeling sorry.

Wanting love, but giving pain.

Why must I keep on living? What good purpose could there be?

I love, I hurt. I love, I harm. I love, I cry. Disappointed in my role. Being who I never wanted.

Numbing, hurting, drawing tighter. Shrinking inward, hurt no others. Still I breath........

Disassociated. My arms hurt, heavy - stiff - solid.

Where is beauty? Did she hide and go away? Birthed and stolen, lost or missing. Where is beauty? Was she dangerous or powerful? Could she grow or help? Who took her away?

Moving closer to the edge, no one touch me. Let me rest. So angry. So mean. So fickle. Wrapped in prickly metal wire, keeping others at bay, keeping me trapped inside. Feeling worthless. I want to stop - I want to stop hurting those who try to love me.

Is Duct tape the answer? What about a mummy wrap? When will those I love be safe?

I release them...no longer do I dare to reach them...It is enough. It is time to stop the pain I cause others. Stop the ....stop the...stop the....stop me!

Now I lay my head to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, I wish I'd die before I wake, and to keep my soul and others safe.

Child abuse is a monster of a disease. Its tentacles root deep within and refuse to let go. Dragging its prisoners to an early grave, spewing poison on anyone close. This one does not die easy, he digs in to destroy everyone and every thing.

Oh, to be set free! Slash his throat and set me free! Sweet Dreams little one. Sweet dreams.