Sunday, March 14, 2010

Tug-of-War Elastic

Pulling, stretching on all sides.

Needs are great, resources small.

Expectations, commitments, responsibilities drag and press to be satisfied.

Arms are aching tired of pressure. Thoughts are lazy, darting about.

Observed. Judged. No one sees the fight inside. Outward glances, misunderstandings.

I have too much to do. I am needed in so many places by so many people. I made commitments when I was functioning, feeling normal. Now in a hollow lonely recess, I peer out wondering who do I please. I can't do it all. Who do I disappoint?

So many needs, wants, wishes, desires by those I love and should be serving....never can I be everything everybody wants and needs. No matter what I do I fail.

Please Me, Please Me - I hear a calling. How and what - prioritize - how?

Too many commitments, not enough time. Emotional crashes bring to this point. I can't function if I am not there. I go away when I hurt others and fail others, I don't want to be a source of pain.

Love, joy, peace, encouragement, support, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control... this is what I long to be.

How many times can you say, "I sorry" and still be believed? Is it worse to never say I am sorry than to always say it. "Forgive me" - when do these words loose their effectiveness... move to doubt, frustration, insincerity to those who count on me?

Stop the pulling! Let go of me!

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