Tug-of-War Elastic

Pulling, stretching on all sides.

Needs are great, resources small.

Expectations, commitments, responsibilities drag and press to be satisfied.

Arms are aching tired of pressure. Thoughts are lazy, darting about.

Observed. Judged. No one sees the fight inside. Outward glances, misunderstandings.

I have too much to do. I am needed in so many places by so many people. I made commitments when I was functioning, feeling normal. Now in a hollow lonely recess, I peer out wondering who do I please. I can't do it all. Who do I disappoint?

So many needs, wants, wishes, desires by those I love and should be serving....never can I be everything everybody wants and needs. No matter what I do I fail.

Please Me, Please Me - I hear a calling. How and what - prioritize - how?

Too many commitments, not enough time. Emotional crashes bring to this point. I can't function if I am not there. I go away when I hurt others and fail others, I don't want to be a source of pain.

Love, joy, peace, encouragement, support, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control... this is what I long to be.

How many times can you say, "I sorry" and still be believed? Is it worse to never say I am sorry than to always say it. "Forgive me" - when do these words loose their effectiveness... move to doubt, frustration, insincerity to those who count on me?

Stop the pulling! Let go of me!

Comments

Weak and Selfish - I am That Girl

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I want to help others but I can't help myself. I love and know God and trust Him too, but that doesn't stop my brain from being a jumbled mess. Jumbled thoughts can be pretty! Scattered thoughts keep bombarding me. I feel like a rattle-head. I think I wrote once about this before, being a rattle-head . And it was the least-read post...Even I couldn't relate to it much after the episode passed. I have cried out to God for help this morning and for the past two days. I have gone to others for prayer and carefully, with exercising great inner control tried to explain to my family of three teens and my dear husband (I almost didn't want to say dear, oh, how hard it can be on a marriage--to twirl out of control and to not know why or how to make the top stop spinning). I don't know what pushed the top into its first spin. And that is part of the problem I can't think clearly. I can't remember even simple things. It is like the f...

I Am Coming Unglued - Survivor of Childhood Abuse and Trauma

I was experiencing a trauma trigger. Writing this poem centered me and calmed down my emotions. It is odd but it is what flowed. I do not apologize or analyze because it is real. Poetry coming from trauma is healing; don't look to critically; simple gaze upon like you would abstract art hanging upon a wall. _______________________________________________________ I sense I am coming unglued. Drip, drip, snip, snip Like a rag doll, stitches removed, Pecked away by a raven or crow. It's okay it doesn't know. Carelessly, unaware, It's a bird: it does not care. Hear the water hit the pan, Irritating is the sound, Slowly dripping to the ground. Tin, tapping, repeat, repeat. A dripping faucet, I have a leak. Sadness seeps out of my core. Superglue-- it holds no more. Glasses broken, my dress is tore. How many times did she survive the war? Battles her both day and night? Still she hangs on in the fight. Warrior, so others claim. ...

Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

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