Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

I wrote this the day I turned 49, almost a year ago.... last week. I have waited so long to post it. I am not sure why I needed the time ... between the words spilling out and feeling comfortable publishing the post. But since I have just read over the words and like I am reading someone else's memory... I guess it is safely time to post. And last week I turned 50, just another happy day. ____________________________________________________ I received a birthday present today. I am forty-nine. While I don't feel old in my soul or spirt - not even my mind (except for the fact that I have read so much, I have to be old), I can now see OLD when I look in the mirror.  I wonder if this happens to every person that lives a long time. For such so many years, I had a permanent internal picture of what I looked like. I didn't age a day past 20. When I looked into the mirror, I looked like me - the young me I had always known. It must be telling that I had the abi...

Life has been very hard recently... many incredibly painful life situations: a suicide of a very young man - planning to be married to a dear friends' daughter releasing go of my son and learning how to be a military mom my young daughter has been sick with heart issues for 3 months and continuing rejection that regularly comes with living boldly the death of my husband's dad - the agony of seeing him shriveled up  a criminal who robbed my husband's family home and took everything and family members who lashed out at my husband regarding funeral matters. My heart is heavy... I cry inside without a sound.  Why do I feel so deeply? I can't go backwards... I can't stuff or put my emotions on a shelf to deal with later... I can't compartmentalize like so many can. I simply feel deeply. What I see, people's words, actions and even non-actions... they scream loud and clear to my soul.  Overloaded. Saturated.  I was at a loss ...