Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

Stop Don't Judge Me, You only see, Partially. photo credit - zeldabeast "innocence" DeviantArt Love God's eye view, He sees as few, Completely. Know I am seen, Naked and clean, Graciously. Love I must do Return to you Willingly. Hard Surrender Forgive, filter Lovingly. Grow All is used In grace, transfused. Healthily. Give Offering You A living sacrifice To my King.

I held your hand, Dreams upon your face. We danced slow songs Heart beats of grace. dance by melodyofleeloo on deviant art I led my love Never been kissed. Chose purity, Nothing been missed. I fit the plan, Not left to fate. Prayers had been said. God bring my mate. I was the one, A dream come true. Each piece in place, Up to "I do". I felt the pain, Shame hid in me. You believed more Than I could see. I failed at life, You would succeed. Can't hold you back I now concede. I never brought To you a ring. He is the one- Now you can sing. I'm looking down, Dreams upon your face. Joy fills my heart, You found your place. I let you go, You deserved more. In His embrace, I leave the shore.

Said I to God, "Love me, Pour down your showers from heaven. Release your geysers from earth. Surround Me in Your presence. Let me float weightless in You, Absorbing goodness into every crevices' That I might be saturated, That my thirst would be quenched, That I would never need another." And God so willingly poured out His love on me, Little me - to the world I am so minor, Just a one in a crowd of millions- even more, A grain of sand upon which the ocean roar, A particle of dust--clothed away- unwanted. But to God I am His everything, A priceless daughter of the King. My heart bursts forth with exuberant, To know, He joys, that I exist. A gift - a gift - I am to Him And He to me - far greater. To love as He - I can not measure Nor ever - though try, I might - to do Like the river He pours out for me and you. Oh, ask Him, try and you will see You will know for yourself - His love - as He has for me.

I am trying to speak, to explain, but I am incapable of being heard. I am speaking clearly in my head, but what comes out is mumbled. I want to be heard, to be understood, to be empathized, But others can't comprehend or even barely listen to what is uttered. It is too hard to listen to, dragging them deep where they do not want to go. Pretty little house, cute little family. We go to church. We serve. Love the Lord. Raise our kids. You are weird, complicated, too hard to be a friend. I don't need that in my life. I have a ministry and enough to do. Help me find a way to end this conversation. Help me get away. I will never speak to her again. I will be quiet. I will pretend to listen, But I am not. I have already moved on. Sticky people are more trouble than they are worth. What is that you said? You couldn't possibly. Are you serious? How could you think that? I am trying to learn to not speak ... at least to certain people... but truly in most. Smi...

It has been a long time since I have written a post in Shattered Glass Life. This is like my personal cave - where I let out my secrets of secrets - the raw rumblings that are ugly sometimes, hateful, and other things that socially trained people know they must hide from the world and often even from themselves. I AM SO ANGRY! I am in pain. I am hurting so deeply, feeling like I have been stabbed in the emotional heart by the sharpest of points. He aimed rightly and pierced me in the most delicate place of my feeling heart. I now know why I don't allow anyone to get in - to release myself to fully embrace another living soul with undying love. When the one you love is careless with the delicate gift you have entrusted them with, when they speak words or even worse speak nothing at all - void of emotion - Oh, I have a hurting heart. Not like the broken and shattered one of my childhood, the emptiness of never having been loved, the brokeness of being beat so many tim...