Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

My eyes close and I drift away. As if drawn by some power stronger than myself, and left drained off all my energy. My head easily flops back against the pillow resting on the headboard... not another day, another wasted day to sleep. I want to wake, as I stagger out of bed. My feet find the floor, and I try to steady myself as I sway. I love living, people, being actively alert and alive, but my head slides down upon the other pillow. I toss from one to another, but want awake. Maybe I didn't get out of bed after all, maybe it was a strong desired dream. Heavy eye lids, quiet words - none spoken. Lifting up my head again, I realize I drifted, slept, maybe lost a few hours, no minutes or many even seconds... it is so hard to assess. Dissociative Fog can be numbing, debilitating, confusing... I slide a little further down my bed until I am nestled underneath the fluffy comforter with my head on the over-sized sham pillow.... comfort, relaxation.... sleep. Hours later I a...

Do you ever feel that way? Time..... it slips away... wasted, spoiled, not enough or even too much... but still it never stands still, moving, slipping.... if it is not used. on the edge of time.... push me in or drag me along It is not like other things we have... I guess some things spoil if I don't use them fast enough, like bread that gets all moldy if I forget to use it all up or cream that gets spoiled with clumps of curds.... Does time spoil, mold or clump up with stinky curds? Sometimes it feels like it does. But then other things in life like tissues in a box.... they don't discinerate into vapors into the air, but I don't grab them out quick enough. No they wait on me, they wait until if have a tear, or a sneeze, or some other need. This type of things don't make me so edgy and nervous... as time. I have wasted so many days, so much time, and no one can go backwards in time.... the Bible says God can redeem the years that the locus have stolen. Wh...