Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

This is an inside look at someone who is going through a dissociative state. The thoughts are scattered and you will see various internal conversations. I wrote this many years ago and found it today on my computer. Today, I am no longer dissociative but I am amazed at what I wrote. I titled it Wires On a Bomb so I will leave it that way. #mental illness #dissociative #did Here it is: so much wiring within It is unstable - I know. Jittery, moving about ever so slight but it does not need much to explode. Can I figure out which wires to remove before its too late? Do I dare to try? No matter what I do--except to enter a catatonic freeze--will increase the possibility, the odds of its blast. So what does one do? Twisted, fragile, so not wanting to be at this moment, this point in time, this crisis ---again, again and again. Seconds feel like hours, and hours prolong like days...especially if you pause, to pray or gain some kind of controllable ease. I speak...

Voices? Do you have them? Do you hear them? Is it like a web messed up, growing in your head? Is it your our mind? your conscience? your emotions? your spirit? your will? Or someone... something ... else How do you know? How can it be? What separates imagined from what is real... or reality from what is imagined ... if it is only you who hears it? Did you ever think about that before? No one hears what goes on inside your head? It is a private world.... It can be a place of chaos, torment or delight and adventure. Does everyone have the ability to hear? or is it those - only - who are aware? Awareness... God, are you near, is it you that I sometimes hear? Of course it is. I know your voice. I know Jesus and the Holy Spirit... each speak to me in such a distinct way varying shades of the same hue... one light bend into a rainbow of colors... one moon seen from all over the globe? Do you hear? Did you know? Do you want to hear? Do you want to know? I do. So I li...

I will show you how. Follow me. You will not have to do anything she says. Just make her think she is crazy. Join together. If she says the sky is blue, look at her like you have never heard such a thing. Glance back and forth between each other, don't answer. This will upset her, put her on edge make her doubt her capability. She is so weak and unstable. She caves so quickly. Just a little standing up against her, just a little resistance and you will be on your merry way of doing whatever you like. She will go away... she will get upset, maybe even switch altars... then she will not be speaking rational. She will ramble on... a stream of consciousness of defeat... the voice inside her head will take over. It is so easy to tip her. Resist. Don't go along. Don't show any emotion. That gets her going worse than if you outspokenly said, "No, I will not." If you did that she would know she was right to correct you, be subtle. Act like you would like to und...