Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

Said I to God, "Love me, Pour down your showers from heaven. Release your geysers from earth. Surround Me in Your presence. Let me float weightless in You, Absorbing goodness into every crevices' That I might be saturated, That my thirst would be quenched, That I would never need another." And God so willingly poured out His love on me, Little me - to the world I am so minor, Just a one in a crowd of millions- even more, A grain of sand upon which the ocean roar, A particle of dust--clothed away- unwanted. But to God I am His everything, A priceless daughter of the King. My heart bursts forth with exuberant, To know, He joys, that I exist. A gift - a gift - I am to Him And He to me - far greater. To love as He - I can not measure Nor ever - though try, I might - to do Like the river He pours out for me and you. Oh, ask Him, try and you will see You will know for yourself - His love - as He has for me.

Running water bubbles over plastic rocks. I close my eyes to drift elsewhere. Crows caw, woodpeckers peck, Insects rattle a hiss. Bee buzzes, close chasing another--gone. Late summer breeze brushes my face. Cares ease, but do not cease--timeworn. Berry Bush Bird by Endmon at DeviantArt Tapping keys, so effortlessly, Letting thoughts roll, Flowing where they want to go. Noisy little hidden insects Make themselves known, Rhythmic shaking in harmony. Soft, then loud, they say, "I am here, one more day." Focusing back to the running water, My lungs inhale deep-- a cleansing breathe, A moment alone but not at all quiet, No human voice, still sounds grow. What a filling for my ear. This summer day there is no pause. Yet my soul reflects -- no fears. Faith makes one bold with cause. Drawing in another deep breathe, Six legged bug, wings up hobbles Full of effort cross the table, Then stops to regain strength. Do I hobble two arms, two legged, No...

Alone - something that we never are,  but so often "alone" feels true. God says, "I will never leave you or forsake you," therefore, in reality I am NEVER alone. But ... But... We all have our own answers to what comes after that word. Sometimes when I feel as though I am trapped, stuck, can't get out...that I am alone. I want to adventure, I want to be with people who want to be with me, I want to see what is out there. But... Again, I am stopped. I have an exception. I have a pinnacle turning point that is specific to me. Forgery, formed of flesh and filled with my being. Yet I am floating in a quasi-plane of knowing. Dipped, spiraled, tumbled. Until I land in the cell, door slammed, key turned. Locked away--my penalty for surviving. Existing in the midst like a mirage, Any moment, the pendulum swings. Parallel worlds, simultaneously misunderstood. Strong, yet fragile. Brave, yet broken. Passioned, yet deflated. How do so ...

Tin gling fin ger tips  a  sig nal Ex tra sen sory in per cep tion. Ant sy for me, cob web think ing-- Map ping  across,  con necting  the dots  When the sky dims-- beams blare and blind. Sole slips up and down, rocking to no sound. Muf fled words rat tle on un turned. Bold O pin ions as sert ed as facts blurred. Gol den rings domed by ce les tial blues-- Calm my soul--peace re sides-- a day is done. Wor shipping  wa ter col ored dis plays, You are faith ful and true , see me through! Why do I doubt and won der -will I sur vive ? Eyes rise, be hold the white glow in the sky And a star or two looking down at me from You. Lindy Abbott

I want to help others but I can't help myself. I love and know God and trust Him too, but that doesn't stop my brain from being a jumbled mess.  Jumbled thoughts can be pretty! Scattered thoughts keep bombarding me.  I feel like a rattle-head.  I think I wrote once about this before, being a rattle-head . And it was the least-read post...Even I couldn't relate to it much after the episode passed. I have cried out to God for help this morning and for the past two days. I have gone to others for prayer and carefully, with exercising great inner control tried to explain to my family of three teens and my dear husband (I almost didn't want to say dear, oh, how hard it can be on a marriage--to twirl out of control and to not know why or how to make the top stop spinning). I don't know what pushed the top into its first spin.  And that is part of the problem I can't think clearly. I can't remember even simple things.  It is like the f...

Rest is were life begins. Sit. Rest. Live. We can busy ourselves in life.... eating, cleaning, watching, texting, reading, writing, shopping, meeting, doing..... and never ever find life. Life is not what we make up it to be. Life is a gift - we only start living when we learn how to rest. As long as we lug around our hurts, our violators, our nemeses, our broken heart, our shattered dreams, and our mess.... we will never be able step into living life as it was initially meant to be for us. The life would should and could be living now! The only way to find rest is in God. Haven't  you tried so many other ways?  People do try so hard.... before they turn to God they try almost everything... or else they sit in a catatonic dullness of nothingness. Depressed. Exhausted. Near Dead. Cry out to God! Run to Him. Fall into His arms and His presence. In God, you will find rest for your weariness. God is real! Look around... everything you see... it is like livin...