Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

Leave me alone, I am in pain. I don't need to be around people, I am in pain. People hurt me, I am in pain. I do not get hurt by books, by food, by clouds and rainbows. Or cats, and clothes, or trees that blow in the wind.... No,  just by those I think are friends. People hurt me; they don't understand me. My arms feel so heavy underneath, I know this is the first sign of overload. My heart has a hole, pierced one to many times in life. My eyes are filled with drops of sorrow, sadness and regret. My mouth is tight, clenched, frozen, no words want to go. Why am I different? Why do I have to hurt so much, all the time, so easily, by so many.... So many days, so many people, so many ways. When does my cup of torment forever filled up to be more than "enough"? Is it because I so love You, God, that I am such a target of your enemy? "But you have not endured blood sweat tears," the wise one jeers. "God will never give you more ...

The preacher says we are all the body of Christ...that each member is necessary, a part that functions in unison with all others, but God, in this life--in our time spent on earth--in present day local churches, this is not really true. It sounds good, repeated over and over, because the Bible says so and therefore we all should. But churches seek the best, the ones that fit their mold, the ones who meet their mission, the one that helps their goal. They keep track of numbers, saving all the souls, running them through baptism, collecting them in the fold. But those of us with broken parts, not shiny like the rest, we hear what no one else hears, we feel words with our soul, we sense when something isn't right, therefore we get left out in the cold. Who wants to work with such a pain, she is trouble where she goes, she stirs the pot and sifts for truth, she sees the thorns and not the rose. Why can't she just be silent, "if you don't like...

It has been a long time since I have written a post in Shattered Glass Life. This is like my personal cave - where I let out my secrets of secrets - the raw rumblings that are ugly sometimes, hateful, and other things that socially trained people know they must hide from the world and often even from themselves. I AM SO ANGRY! I am in pain. I am hurting so deeply, feeling like I have been stabbed in the emotional heart by the sharpest of points. He aimed rightly and pierced me in the most delicate place of my feeling heart. I now know why I don't allow anyone to get in - to release myself to fully embrace another living soul with undying love. When the one you love is careless with the delicate gift you have entrusted them with, when they speak words or even worse speak nothing at all - void of emotion - Oh, I have a hurting heart. Not like the broken and shattered one of my childhood, the emptiness of never having been loved, the brokeness of being beat so many tim...