Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

by myxchimcalxkiss on deviantART A sharp edge Thought to numb The pain too deep To heal away. A sharp edge Brought to mind, Cut the memory- Blood covers. A sharp edge Pierced His side He took your sin Upon Him. A sharp edge For a moment Pause the cycle, The burden. A sharp edge Does not solve The real problem, Hurting shame. A sharp edge Words spoken, The Gilead Balm heals all. If you think about using a sharp edge to cut yourself to stop the pain, stop. A sharp edge against your skin is not the help you need. You are priceless, precious, and your life was created for a purpose. You can know happiness.

Alone - something that we never are,  but so often "alone" feels true. God says, "I will never leave you or forsake you," therefore, in reality I am NEVER alone. But ... But... We all have our own answers to what comes after that word. Sometimes when I feel as though I am trapped, stuck, can't get out...that I am alone. I want to adventure, I want to be with people who want to be with me, I want to see what is out there. But... Again, I am stopped. I have an exception. I have a pinnacle turning point that is specific to me. Forgery, formed of flesh and filled with my being. Yet I am floating in a quasi-plane of knowing. Dipped, spiraled, tumbled. Until I land in the cell, door slammed, key turned. Locked away--my penalty for surviving. Existing in the midst like a mirage, Any moment, the pendulum swings. Parallel worlds, simultaneously misunderstood. Strong, yet fragile. Brave, yet broken. Passioned, yet deflated. How do so ...

Opposites are the Same Do you see my smile? A tear roll down my face. Two emotions collide to be one. Seasons change but stay the same. If I crawl, will you stand If I try, will you hold my hand? Stay by me, See me through this fall I don't like the RED, wipe it away The hot makes me cold in the soul. Do you see me cry? A curve shapes on my lips. Opposites are one of the same, Both are needed or nothings gained. If I stumble, will you lift If I stop, will you wait for me? Stay by me, See me die to live I don't like the RED, it cuts so deep Gushing inside they say she never bleeds.

Rest is were life begins. Sit. Rest. Live. We can busy ourselves in life.... eating, cleaning, watching, texting, reading, writing, shopping, meeting, doing..... and never ever find life. Life is not what we make up it to be. Life is a gift - we only start living when we learn how to rest. As long as we lug around our hurts, our violators, our nemeses, our broken heart, our shattered dreams, and our mess.... we will never be able step into living life as it was initially meant to be for us. The life would should and could be living now! The only way to find rest is in God. Haven't  you tried so many other ways?  People do try so hard.... before they turn to God they try almost everything... or else they sit in a catatonic dullness of nothingness. Depressed. Exhausted. Near Dead. Cry out to God! Run to Him. Fall into His arms and His presence. In God, you will find rest for your weariness. God is real! Look around... everything you see... it is like livin...

Were you there? Did you know? Really... its all hearsay unless it comes directly from the one, and even then we have to hope they are not lying to others or even more the usual case, themselves. We all present an image of what we hope people see, of what we want people to know. But in all our nakedness, the uglies are seen and known.... strip any of us down, to our bare bones, what is left... no skin, no hair, no surgery, or material accessories to pretend.... remove the body and what is left? what is there? Wouldn't that be the best? To be able to sit around with others, to be able to really talk and get to know, to share from the soul, to know and be known. Soul to soul. Real to Real. Truth to Truth. And it is there, in the naked, exposed, stripped-down-of-it-all moment that I find myself... and odd as it may be, I am finally comfortable with being seen, with being visible. I am happy to be exposed for who I really am, it brings a peculiar smile of rest to my soul....

so tired.... so tired..... I don't want to live any more. I am so tired. I have tried, and tried. Worked so very hard to be better, to be a person, to be functional, to be normal. Some would say I have .... I have done so good... I have made progress... My life is better... It is always getting better... but I know the truth......... I know I will never be OK, I will never be like others, I will never be normal, I will never assimilate, fake it til you make it doesn't really work. A life of failures.... I feel so sorry for my husband, his family, my children, friends who have crossed my path, people who just will never try or understand..... Yes, I am mad.... but I am also sorry, and angry, and sleepy, and hurting, and giving up. What reason do I have to fight?