Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

Am I in a dream? It was so easy. I spoke, in final hope, Marveled, he heard me. What do you need? Suicide keeps coming. It wants me to go. It lurks at my soul. Tears pour continually, The faucet has a stream, The pressure's released, I get a reprieve. I cry for help. I cry for hope. Will this ever stop? Please help me cope. (photo credit: III by th0rvaldsen on deviantArt)

I feel the tears upon my face, I know what I am feeling is real, in reality. The tears--they comfort me--I am human, I cry. Jesus came to earth as a man; He was human; He cried. Tears Rolling on one's face (tears are falling by sternenkindi on DeviantART) At times when I feel like the world is closing in, like I am not connecting or misconnecting with everyone, especially those dearest to me, little things like tears helps me to know that I am alive. When I see one reality and the world seems to see another; when I feel one reality and others feel another, I began to think maybe something is wrong with me. Why do I sense, feel and see what others do not? Why I am sensitive? So I ask to pray, offer to pray, want to pray with others, but I am told to pray alone. My prayers are not wanted. This hurts. I feel unloved, unwanted, rejected, misunderstood. It is like handing someone a gift and having it shoved back. I love prayers and being prayed for by others. I consid...

Tears are filling up my eyes, It's been awhile since I've cried. The warmth of salty fluid flows, From the pain within my soul. Broken dreams of love we hold, Choosing sin -its goods are sold. See me crying in the night, A cold dark chamber blurs my sight. Stripped of envy and disgrace, He walked into the wicked place. Making choices everyday, Is how the game of life is played. See the sucker at the bar, See the midnight falling star. Twinkle, twinkle lost its light, Darkness flexed his muscles' might. Lucifer laughs when we cry, He taunts the sinner til he wants to die. God send Angels to my son, Protect him til fool's hill is done. Dazzling worldly wanton ways Entices many foolish slaves. Freedom to live by your grace. Answer his call when he prays. Draw him to Your perfect peace, Humble crying on his knees. Mama loves him evermore, Forever sings the childhood lore.

Opposites are the Same Do you see my smile? A tear roll down my face. Two emotions collide to be one. Seasons change but stay the same. If I crawl, will you stand If I try, will you hold my hand? Stay by me, See me through this fall I don't like the RED, wipe it away The hot makes me cold in the soul. Do you see me cry? A curve shapes on my lips. Opposites are one of the same, Both are needed or nothings gained. If I stumble, will you lift If I stop, will you wait for me? Stay by me, See me die to live I don't like the RED, it cuts so deep Gushing inside they say she never bleeds.

Life has been very hard recently... many incredibly painful life situations: a suicide of a very young man - planning to be married to a dear friends' daughter releasing go of my son and learning how to be a military mom my young daughter has been sick with heart issues for 3 months and continuing rejection that regularly comes with living boldly the death of my husband's dad - the agony of seeing him shriveled up  a criminal who robbed my husband's family home and took everything and family members who lashed out at my husband regarding funeral matters. My heart is heavy... I cry inside without a sound.  Why do I feel so deeply? I can't go backwards... I can't stuff or put my emotions on a shelf to deal with later... I can't compartmentalize like so many can. I simply feel deeply. What I see, people's words, actions and even non-actions... they scream loud and clear to my soul.  Overloaded. Saturated.  I was at a loss ...