Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

Ever feel like your brain is made of soggy milk-laden cereal bowl of shredded wheat? soggy brain That is how my brain feels today. I have been sick... in bed for five days (an eternity for me) and my moods have swung up, down, up, down, low, creeping, scraping, crawling, screaming, meanness. My eyelids are tired, struggling to stay alert. From mush to dried out melba toast has been the consistency of my brain. I have read everything in sight from old book, to new book, to newspaper, and internet article... then TV and tv and more numbing, who-gives-a-care tv.... to only roll back and prop myself up for the next book I pulled from the pile on the floor. No wonder I get crabby, crappy, get-away-free-me.... words, sentences, thoughts, people, doing, saying, going. All are moving on the electric escalating path to nowhere.  All is vain. Life has no purpose. Isolated. Disconnected. Meaningless. And how we try to pretend we are something... we ha...

Were you there? Did you know? Really... its all hearsay unless it comes directly from the one, and even then we have to hope they are not lying to others or even more the usual case, themselves. We all present an image of what we hope people see, of what we want people to know. But in all our nakedness, the uglies are seen and known.... strip any of us down, to our bare bones, what is left... no skin, no hair, no surgery, or material accessories to pretend.... remove the body and what is left? what is there? Wouldn't that be the best? To be able to sit around with others, to be able to really talk and get to know, to share from the soul, to know and be known. Soul to soul. Real to Real. Truth to Truth. And it is there, in the naked, exposed, stripped-down-of-it-all moment that I find myself... and odd as it may be, I am finally comfortable with being seen, with being visible. I am happy to be exposed for who I really am, it brings a peculiar smile of rest to my soul....