Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

photo by eigrieves on DeviantART Ghastly company-- I am to me Solitary soul of gloom Beating pulse flows through my veins. Alone, yet, with the red blood moon. Sensations approaching the cell door, Creeping, silently upon the floor, Dread and terror race to my brain, Man-made walls make me insane. Oh, forgive my wretched past, Hope to drink from Grace’s glass, Grinding metal grates the cage, I can’t escape my judgment's page. Read the Word He gave to me, It's the only way for me to see, Passed these wall that capture me, To the horizon of tomorrows' seas.

by myxchimcalxkiss on deviantART A sharp edge Thought to numb The pain too deep To heal away. A sharp edge Brought to mind, Cut the memory- Blood covers. A sharp edge Pierced His side He took your sin Upon Him. A sharp edge For a moment Pause the cycle, The burden. A sharp edge Does not solve The real problem, Hurting shame. A sharp edge Words spoken, The Gilead Balm heals all. If you think about using a sharp edge to cut yourself to stop the pain, stop. A sharp edge against your skin is not the help you need. You are priceless, precious, and your life was created for a purpose. You can know happiness.

The holidays-to many- (the sheer thought of them) brings such marvelous images to mind, memories of years past but also promises of this year to come. The mind is not so kind to those who hurt. Joy Intrudes without a warning. Shut up. Closing In. Sliding. Slowly the walls grind, pressing down and inward. Smaller...the space to live, to exist to breath naturally, yet so-not-normal to the average person with an average working brain, with fibers, cells, the chemical uptake, with a spark, a leap, a jump across the synapse. Of not! Out of rhythm, a mis-fire, a bit of energy is the passing chemical so taken for granted in person who lives day by day above the riff-raf of those with less ability. It is all wrong. What I see is what is not in place. Nothing being where it should be. Discarded, unwanted, not right. A miss is assumed without even a look. Of course, it must be wrong. Out of hundreds, what are the odds that I could ever select 'the one' that could r...

Is it insanity? How can you know? If you are insane, you will never know... so if you don't think you are insane you might be. If you do think you are insane, you might be.Or not. Doesn't it take a little bit of "insanity" to see beyond? Well, if you prefer, mental capability to see and know what is abstract. To believe in, sensing, something more than, to understand better than, to feel with an aware that others often miss. Is it you or is it them? Who gets to say? Who is really living in the real world? And who gets to pick? Who sets the rules, standards, conditions, proofs, absolutes? Can you bend your mind? Can you see beyond, can you feel more, can you know what others never even see? What is real? Is it what is tangible, what is accepted by the majority or the brightest, smartest minds? And who is to determine who and what is really bright or smart? If you rattle back facts are you smart? Or does that mean you can record and replay very well? Bu...

Jump! What is stopping you? Many times in life you will come to a cliff. Do you have faith? I guess that depends if you are certain of the path you are on and the creator of your path. Faith is never tested on the solid path... the steady predictable road. You can only "Jump" with joy if you know the one asking you to take the leap. Who is leading you to the edge? Listen to the music.... do you hear the music? violence, violations, victim .... fear, fighting, fury.... harm, alarm, forever storm.... questions... interrogation... irrational.  Listen for the music, do you hear the music? brutal, bloody, boxed... touched, taken, terror... Are you running? Where are you running? Are you scared? Does it matter? Do you care? Will it hurt you? Is what you hear the music? Sick, sick, sick.... in the brain, brain, brain.... just insane, sane sane.... Everywhere I run, everywhere I run..... I keep crashing into a closing pane.... I am trapped.... in pain... Do you...

I look out my bedroom window...past the white painted rocking chair (that was not painted until it started to mold so no matter how clean I try to get it - it still is dirty looking and my mother-in-law always brought a towel to clean it off or sit on when she was still alive and here for her visit 2-3 times a year)....funny what goes through our mind....that has been 5 years if not 10 and every single time I see the rocking chairs - this is what I think. Focus! I look out of my bedroom window, and past the top rung on the white painted rocking chair, and I see joy..... Daffodils dancing in the early spring wind. They make me smile, which is something I really needed at this moment, because I have not been feeling much interested in life, living, breathing, doing, being. I am thankful for the gentle breeze that makes these delicate cheery flowers wiggle on their long slender green legs. A mental break from the cloud the held me away from connection and joy. I may not be closely linked ...