Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

This is an inside look at someone who is going through a dissociative state. The thoughts are scattered and you will see various internal conversations. I wrote this many years ago and found it today on my computer. Today, I am no longer dissociative but I am amazed at what I wrote. I titled it Wires On a Bomb so I will leave it that way. #mental illness #dissociative #did Here it is: so much wiring within It is unstable - I know. Jittery, moving about ever so slight but it does not need much to explode. Can I figure out which wires to remove before its too late? Do I dare to try? No matter what I do--except to enter a catatonic freeze--will increase the possibility, the odds of its blast. So what does one do? Twisted, fragile, so not wanting to be at this moment, this point in time, this crisis ---again, again and again. Seconds feel like hours, and hours prolong like days...especially if you pause, to pray or gain some kind of controllable ease. I speak...

It is not always be choice, but sometimes it is. It is our choice whether we turn inward to pity and suffering or whether we open our soul to receive help. I did not ever ask for help. I feel terrible because I gave in to moping around all day and not eating things that would make me feel good. We have responsibility. Everyone can have a bad day. Hormones and chemicals that swirl around our bodies can get the best of any of us. I never used to give in to the pains of my cycle until I had a daughter that we pampered during her cycle. Yes, the pain is real and you do feel out of sorts, but what you make of the day is your responsibility. I am no spring chick. I turned 52 this week, but yesterday I gave into the cramps and hormonal pains of my monthly cycle. I never used to do this. I would push through. And it is okay to have a down day, but it is not okay to indulge in eating crummy and lying around like a mound of unshaped clay. A dear older friend of mine said it is okay ...