Shattered Glass Life After Abuse

My eyes close and I drift away. As if drawn by some power stronger than myself, and left drained off all my energy. My head easily flops back against the pillow resting on the headboard... not another day, another wasted day to sleep. I want to wake, as I stagger out of bed. My feet find the floor, and I try to steady myself as I sway. I love living, people, being actively alert and alive, but my head slides down upon the other pillow. I toss from one to another, but want awake. Maybe I didn't get out of bed after all, maybe it was a strong desired dream. Heavy eye lids, quiet words - none spoken. Lifting up my head again, I realize I drifted, slept, maybe lost a few hours, no minutes or many even seconds... it is so hard to assess. Dissociative Fog can be numbing, debilitating, confusing... I slide a little further down my bed until I am nestled underneath the fluffy comforter with my head on the over-sized sham pillow.... comfort, relaxation.... sleep. Hours later I a...

Stillness quickens in my ears... deeper going, fear to hear. Do you see it? Can you care? Is she someone... see her reaching out her hand. Twisted, withering, brittle hand... If you touch her, she must just break. Slap back! Shutter... What could she want? Frightened, fearing.... what's she done? Can we trust her? Do we dare? See her covered by her hair? She is looking out, no one's looking in.... no one sees her, no one cares. No one reaches to her hand. She is looking inside, nothings ever easy. She's coming undone. Loose thread, twirling, round and round.... Spider webbing, not a sound. Will we loose her, where did she go? Too much trouble to find her now. I can't reach... I can't go there... I don't wanta... I am scared. Smash. Crash. Splash. Cutting deeper into what remains. Who is with her? Why's she cry? Do not loose her, before she dies.... always bleeding, when will it stop... always peeling, when will it stop... always tearing, when will...

So many hurting are hiding, invisible to many. O K, I wrote this yesterday and chickened out with tons of doubts and removed it. Now that I realize I was listening to a lot of comments being sent my way by the enemy... I am putting it back up. "Oh, me of little faith!" If you are interested in helping organize a non-profit ministry for survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, child abuse and trauma, please contact me. So often the world sets up organizations to be there for hurting, but they don't have the real answers. I am hoping to set up a ministry that really make a permanent difference in hurting survivors lives. God is laying the vision of such a ministry on my heart, therefore, I am looking for a team of like-minded Christians to prayerfully lead. God uses each of our abilities and gifts for His ministry.  Check out the document for more information about Living Visible Ministries  Lindy Abbott