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Looking Out - Looking In (Thoughts of child abuse survivor)


Stillness quickens in my ears... deeper going, fear to hear. Do you see it? Can you care? Is she someone... see her reaching out her hand. Twisted, withering, brittle hand... If you touch her, she must just break.

Slap back! Shutter... What could she want? Frightened, fearing.... what's she done?

Can we trust her? Do we dare? See her covered by her hair? She is looking out, no one's looking in.... no one sees her, no one cares. No one reaches to her hand.

She is looking inside, nothings ever easy. She's coming undone. Loose thread, twirling, round and round.... Spider webbing, not a sound. Will we loose her, where did she go?

Too much trouble to find her now. I can't reach... I can't go there... I don't wanta... I am scared.

Smash. Crash. Splash. Cutting deeper into what remains. Who is with her? Why's she cry? Do not loose her, before she dies.... always bleeding, when will it stop... always peeling, when will it stop... always tearing, when will it stop.... always dying, when will it stop?

REACH HER! Catch her. Watch her fall, slowly out of her control... little bobbin might explode. Can we poke her? What's she do? Did she see ya? Is she a fool?

Just to be known, and understood. Notes play the music, draws her to life. Watch she is spinning, back again. She has been so hurt, by other's sin. She is looking out, always looking out, always looking for... knowing there is more. More to life, more to death, more to listen, more to know, more to healing, how far..... how far.... how far... must she go?

She is waiting for the deadly bite!


She is never out of reach. Never lost to YOU. You have always seen her, telling her what to do. You never looked away. He never blocked your sight. He is not so powerful compared to You in the light. Darkness loves the fear, blinded to the truth... darkness hold her here, help her walk to You.

Tip-toe, inch away, she can't risk it, she can not stay. Listen closely, hear her cry... why do so many just walk on by.... see her in the shadow, she is in the shadow, hiding in the shadow, blended to the .... blended in the... gone.

Childlike wonder, why does it come? Instinctively she knows, speak to her - she knows, scream to her - she knows.... she's listening and  looking for a crumb of hope, falling, fading, blown away... darkness covers her, up today. Please say nevermore, she needs nevermore, she wants nevermore. No more bleeding, no more dying, no more crying, no more lying. Watch her take a step of faith, she wants to trust, but she runs away.

Do you see? Can you see? Must you see? Wont you see? Try and see.

She is always looking out, looking for a way. Wont anyone tell her, she doesn't have to stay. Why are we so quiet? She doesn't think you care. Can anybody .... will anybody... will somebody... will one body? Is it you?

Trust me, she is looking out, she wants to trust you, but she is filled with doubt. Fear, stares, no, can't go.... close, away, crawl away, run away.

She is looking, hoping for more than words.... more than words..... more than word. She's just heard words, only words. Action speaks louder than words. Love moves deeper than words. Trust is built on more than words. Faith is more than words.
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